Pass the TP

Sometimes I don’t know if that feeling in my lap is me horny or me needing to go.

And sometimes the end feeling is the same.

Lose 5 lbs in two days!

Considering the time it took between eating my Lean Cuisine and dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool…I am beginning to understand how one could lose weight on these things.

So there are four stalls in the office bathroom: one handicap, three…not handicap.

Obviously the handicap stall is the preferred of the four, with its own sink and all, but it faces the door. I have already moved the trashcan to a strategic spot that, if someone were to enter, you wouldn’t be able to tell whose feet is dangling from seat. Namely, mine.

Given it’s size and position nearest the door, the handicap stall is used for peeing only. The stall farthest from the door is, well, y’know.

So I’m sitting in the handicap stall, doing my thing, when I realize I need to stay longer. And I realize I can not do it in that stall.

The bathroom was empty - hell no I won’t do anything if someone is in there - and the stall I need is literally two feet away. Do I really need to button up my jeans to go two feet?

The answer, my friends, is yes. Unless you really want your coworker to see you holding the waistband of your jeans around your hips, shuffling to the farthest stall.

Because I definitely didn’t.